Swaddled in comfort
Insulated from true hate
Raised in a blessed place
markmurphywrites.com
Swaddled in comfort
Insulated from true hate
Raised in a blessed place
How are you today?
I am truly curious
No judgment, just care
We bounced down a gravel road too far outside of town to jump out and walk back. When the road smoothes out, I can hear the old men in the cab carrying a conversation. Something about a water shed. But mostly my cousin and I hold tight to the truck bed and keep our eyes squinted against the dust that catches up when we slow.
Our grandfather needs help tending to one of his fields, and I presume it’s more corn. He promises to feed us and take us fishing afterwards. There is rarely an exchange of money, but usually a hot meal. Grandpa has six siblings, and they lived through events called dust bowl and depression. Grandchildren are expected to help work the land with joy in their hearts.
Working on pasture land feels good. Pulling steel cables of barbed wire, cutting with metal shears, and towing fallen trees out of the creek. I feel the raw strength in my developing muscles, shoring up fence line and handling heavy tools. The sun is always beating down, but you can count on a breeze across the Kansas plains.
Working corn fields is a different experience. The sun still beats down, but the stalks are high, and the fields usually sit low, closer to water. The breeze doesn’t reach your sun-soaked body. God made corn stalks tough too. They need to stand up to the elements and insects, protecting the beautiful sweet corn inside each husk. Sharp edges will cut right through your soft skin, so long pants and long sleeves are highly encouraged. A handkerchief around the neck and leather gloves will also save you from lingering pain.
We turn off the gravel, settle into a soft dirt trail, and roll to a stop. I duck and cover in the bed while the dust settles around us. Grandpa is the first to emerge from the cab. He chuckles to himself while walking to the tailgate, completely in his element among these ancient fields.
“Today, we need to clear a few rows closest to the river,” he says.
There’s a sideways glance between cousins. We’re definitely down in the corn. Grandpa uses his voice to make clearing a few rows sound simple. In reality, my cousin and I will be bent over pulling bindweed and thistle from several acres of land. The old men will walk through the field, speculating on the harvest still months away, and determining what sections of the pasture might need worked over again. Once satisfied, they’ll retreat to the cab to sip hot coffee and cold water.
Grandpa drops the tailgate while we stretch our backs and legs. I jump down onto the soft brown soil. It smells familiar and welcoming, like being at home. We’ll work all morning pulling weeds, cursing occasionally under our breath, but never complaining once to the man who brought us here. We do it because it’s what we’re expected to do. We do it because we respect our families who’ve done the same thing for generations before. We do it because we love the earth and we love the man who brought us out to work these ancient fields.
Valentine viewpoint
In love – Anything for you
Alone – Corporate plot
Dreamt of love last night
Red-hued scenes of seduction
Love without restraint
What do I lose
to love with all of my heart
Am I worried
that I’ll miss out on more
Of more and more
Am I saving
part of my heart in fear
The fear of pain
to love and lose again
Again and again
Or do I lust
after a fleeting dream
A dream of love
that is without hard work
Work and more work
Why not just love
you with all of my heart
Knowing I will
lose and have pain and fear
Dream loving dreams
I followed him down the stairs, watching his hunched shoulders and lowered head express more than words could say. We both scanned the main floor for accessories he might have left behind. I checked the outlets for a random cord and swept my boot under the couch, fishing for a stray magazine. Nothing turned up, so it’s time to hit the road.
Dan stopped through my little backwoods hometown on his way north. He and I had been friends for more than a decade now. Meeting in college, egging each other into and out of bad decisions, roasting each other, laughing at our tragic relationships. That’s partly what brought Dan here. He was moving to Minnesota for reasons only he understood. The air was better, the lakes were plentiful, he needed a change, he needed an adventure. There was tragedy under it all.
Dan had been dating Jamie for several months, and it all seemed to be going well. He talked about her perfectly shaped hands, manicured nails, soft touch. I naturally laughed at his sensitivity. It wasn’t long before he was talking about sharing his apartment. It was in a better location, situated on a large park, an easy commute for them both. All the practical reasons on the table, but Dan too afraid of my teasing to just say he was falling for her. Then there was talk of engagement when it happened. A traffic accident, and she was gone. I went for the funeral and fled soon after. My gut told me to spend more time with him, but my mind was too afraid of sharing the intimacy. I just left.
And so Dan decided to go north. Finding a tech job in Minneapolis was no different than finding a tech job in Dallas he said. Air, lakes, change, and adventure were all positive and plausible alibis, though I’d argue smog and traffic in Minneapolis-Saint Paul wasn’t any better than smog and traffic in Dallas-Fort Worth. But the process raised his shoulders and lifted his head again. For a little while. Until this morning.
Despite my general negativity and sarcastic view of life, Dan chose to come here. He surrounded himself with my friends and family, and he received love. My mom and sister were kind and attentive, talking with him or at him for hours. I took Dan out running and began to understand his heartache. No part of my old self wanted to go north. I didn’t care for long drives, and I didn’t want to take time off of work right now. Me me me. But then Dan came. He showed his heart. He accepted our support. He was vulnerable. He chose me.
I grabbed Dan by the shoulder and followed him out of the house. It smelled of wet oak leaves as I locked the front door, and suddenly I was struck by how beautiful this day would be. I swallowed hard and refused a tear. As Dan started the car, I finally understood why we were going north.
Love is not taken
Love is given from the heart
Give with soul and strength
Move across the world
New job, make friends, scraping by
What we’d do for love
Selflessly serving
Faith hope wisdom correction
Father’s endless love